I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together

It was one of those very few times when some plans actually work out, mostly because it was not really a plan to begin with, just organisation or the undying possibility that this was meant to happen.

When it kicked in, a shock-wave of spasms ran through my face, all the way across from the top of my left eye, down to my lower lip. As I looked up, I saw the familiarity, all the faces, these walls, these emotions, this oneness, and I knew nothing. Zero.

The world of Now. I had a brain full of questions, misconstructions, no memory of anything at all and a massive dose of high-powered LSD.

We were walking through the forest, and it was definitely 1 am — it could have been more but in this universe, time doesn't exist. Every single vibration made by existence around me was literally being sucked into my ears. All four of us walked on knowing that our lodge was probably not far off, but this intense feeling of being lost was always trying to fight its way to the top, and the paranoia of it was overwhelming — I presumed it was just me. Then someone yelled, “We’re f**kin lost man!” — “I swear we have passed this way five times in the last 10 minutes”.

Everyone stopped. Silence. Again everyone started walking and about 200 meters away, I saw the light from the guesthouse.

As I ran towards the guesthouse, someone, I think, said this isn't the right place. But I ignored that, went ahead and unlocked the rooms, and then decided to get comfortable. Soon, I felt the need for high-volume music, even as the pounding in my chest increased decibel by decibel. My heart, I felt, was going faster than ever before. I ran out and saw my friends standing in shock. I felt scared myself and needed to calm down. The massive confusion I was living out needed to stop.

I ran up to the terrace and stared at the bright moon spread across the sky. Suddenly, all the confusion was gone. An overwhelming sense of calm covered me, the calmness of the Universe swept under my feet. Staring at the white blot in the sky with billions of giant balls of gas burning the night cover, I felt completely insignificant but majestically powerful at the same time.

I came back down and walked into a strange room with people in it, people I have never met. The walls were breaking down at such high speeds, reality was being redefined each instant. Change really was the only constant. There was music in the room, no conversation.
Soon, it seemed that life was repeating itself in front of me, and reality was ripping itself apart, calling on to me, as if to show me something new. Time ceased to exist, and it was all just one moment. Everything that had happened in the past or would have happened in the future, was happening at that one moment.

My beating heart was all I believed in; nothing but the sound and flush of blood to my brain to keep it oxidized was real. There was no such thing as death. I sat, consumed by that moment of now, and right when I thought my heart would burst open, I felt it go even faster, almost in sync with the music. We are all capable of questioning and understanding but why must we need this extra little tool to find meaning in everything?

After that experience, I have more questions than the millions I had before. And I have this sad feeling that the truth might never be told. 

We’re all observers, dreaming this dream together in our separate capsules of feel and neurons.

One. This is your moment.

(Published in Tehelka Magazine, Volume 11 Issue 10, Dated 8 March 2014)

Deprive.

Divide. Devoid. Despair. Delay. Decay. Dismal. Distress. Disorder. Dismay. Disable. Disagree. Disapprove. Disappoint. Disaster. Disconcert. Disconnect. Discriminate. Disprove. Disembowel. Disfigure. Disfunction. Disgrace. Disguise. Disintegrate. Dismiss. Disarm. Disdain. Disbelief. Disclaim. Discuss. Discourage. Discretion. Dishearten. Displease. Distort. Disturb. Dispose. Display. Disregard. Disbalance. Disinterest. Dislike. Dissatisfy. Displaced. Disadvantage. Discreet. Distance. Disappear. Displace. Dispute. Dismiss. Discard. Disgust. Dissolve. 

Being an atom.

Eternity laughed at the proposition of time,
Lemons walk and our eyes shine.
Push against the weathered flow,
Measurements feel out of glow.

No reason to fight, its all futile,
Lets run across, live forever in a while.
Unfamiliarity in a familiar scheme,
Gentle breeze in an exile dream.

Touch hands with your skin,
The oneness, acute fin.
Fishness scales spread on a layer,
Throw it down, feel your wet hair.

Movements, light and songs of existence,
Understand our intimate synchronous coincidence.
Shaken, shaking so bad as to shatter,
No point in creating anything that won't matter.

Design a circle then be it, 
Grow in it then feel it,
Expand the vibratory threshold,
Shake until the universe folds.

There's nothing better than you,
No, none ever so pure and true.
Everything is alive and aware,
Just not certain if it should dare.

I feel free, good and winter like,
You feel like I do, exactly alike.
No more to say.
Just feel away.

So simple.

Analysis of this wild dream, a book in one hand titled "The summer" and of shock I realized the gloom, the damp faces and a moist look on her lips. Fragments of time, pictures, love and spastic movements in continuous repetition, more or less like your beating heart. All this information must be transferred somehow, throughout and circulating; the fragments of yourself blend into itself and create whatever new. That art, looking at me or the other way round. Mary stood in the reflection, her watery eyes so innocent and pure, she looked confused and a little happy, she knew something I didn't. 

Here a loud noise woke me from the blissful feel of translucent skin, its touch making me feel crisp down to my soul, the very fabric of that skin, those tedious patterns so beautifully symmetric and fragile. 
It was the common, ignored, unheard noises of progress. Today, I am awake, this would be the third of this kind this month. When all you have to do is dream, waking becomes a challenge, most with imaginations are always asleep. When no one knows the truth, when everything you know could be a potential lie.. 
I was scared just like you, running frantic for years with more questions. 

Three hundred meters away there was a cliff, overlooking the sea where lovers gathered in this holy moment, this chance of being alive together just for a moment, then letting go. She waved to me, and I floated over, "Do you hear that huge thumping noise?",  asked she pointing down at the yellowing hay, below the edge, that was drying in this immense heat but felt soft with the breeze falling upon everything that the eye could see. I was alive, at that moment. I was alive. 
I completely lost track of the question, the flaring of her nostrils as her lungs filled up with air, saturating the oxygen in her bloodstream, sending rosy signals to her cheeks and she flushed and grinned, she wondered what I thought, at this point I was alive, and no thought could trouble my peaceful mind. 

The slight push and the cozy feeling with a little tinge and softness of cotton, clear eyes looking into mine. Shoulders buried deep in the crease marking the point of excitement, eyes wide, smiles and peaches. Shrill screeches and true music came together and created this masterpiece that works on pure feelings and meaning. You are an instrument. 
Meek features of your soul, the disregard for allegations and beauty of the diamonds, you tasted of awareness, wriggle and throw fits but this won't finish that easy I will devour you. Porcelain, clear and reflecting legs all branched up against concrete, the music will flow the deeper I feel. The last tug fades, as its resonance speaks through convulsions of thought and feelings of euphoric confusion , a conquest breached, as the pheromones injecting through you and me forge a collapse. Unlikely to be seen.

Rust.

A whiteness in the sky, I saw fire, a glimpse of something still. Pierced my flag in the heart of the hill. So as I walked along things began to fall in places. I remember her, how one could yearn the lowly faces. Exactly where the patterns made me blind. There is no soft corner, no regret and nothing to trouble my blissful mind.

Her face, she tells of a lazy noon. Her lovely smell, the pink hue. 

With just a bullet to run. 

I will find one someday, a sweet tooth with a gun.

Loops are us.

All movements, actions, thoughts and dreams move freely on the surface of time. With no regard for its singular direction, everything you will ever know will come back to haunt you. And remain within you forever, until we're exacting the oblivions of the known universe.
Life, is feasible. Yet almost impossible to understand, on the same course it perhaps is rather adaptive. Crude in nature, like a virus hacking into a matrix of infinite possibility, balancing itself through transformation, seeking empty holes and filling it with feel.

All jokes, words, laughs, shared and missed are stored indefinitely in an empty space which has no definition other than what you give it. This information either travels or gets conveyed somehow, but its never lost, information will always remain scattered around you. One whole moment of experience, where I sat on a cold chair and felt my heart beat against a wall, with a deep belief in the fact that I will never let go of any of you and your oblivious minds, I have etched myself upon your expanse of knowledge, and you will be hinted to recall each time you will to forget.


The never ending revolutionary movement has made a hole in my chest, I look right through it and wish it would stop, just for one moment. Just to make me realize that it's real, as real as you and me. Just so I realize the importance of such a phenomenon to come into coordinated existence and precision so deep that my brain twists in convulsions each time I try suck in the idea that we're in the middle of nothing.

Nothing in itself is meaningless.

But the rotation and revolution will never cease, this non compromised lock of eternal love, spins endlessly almost exactly like time passes by in this one single direction with my eyes wide, wild, still and gathering. Each circle, holds its breath. I saw him walk right in the same room 29 seconds ago, I timed him for the second time and it was the exact same time as before. But that's impossible, unless the gigantic circles were to stop, just for a moment of stillness and then reoccur, one insignificant second, To send me hurtling back to reality. Unless my heart stopped beating, and I stopped to exist for the moment and the space that I acquire in this vast expanse of nothingness, stopped existing for that fraction, with me. Without me.
Unless we are all part of a self duplicating, reversible and repetitive pattern.

What exactly is going on? I'm sorry, I missed that. My coffee is too warm. There is no reason for the information to travel to the central processing unit first and then to the affected area, shouldn't it travel directly to make it more efficient? Wait, are you trying to tell me something?

Questions, excite us. Provide a purpose even if you don't understand me, you know exactly how I feel. We want to go in so deep, over and over. Never letting go, just holding on to the quickening pace of your heart, the physical boundaries flailing in peace, content and emasculated at the same time, stuck in this catatonic wave motion still not letting go, this deep religious raving of the conscious circle.

You must've been asleep all the while.

Is it all Math?

I repent. I am furious, but I believe in calmness. You are my friend.

You will understand, I don't have to tell you about your heart. Or the lack of it.

There's always things I wanted to do, I understand you. 

You will never see, the part of you in me. 

Two rubies, rosy red and a pearl, so white, less bright. Up against the wall.

Capillaries giving way, oxidizing the fuel, scarlet burns. 

Three notes, please don't steal. That's all. 

I believe you, believe in me. 

Sometimes its involuntary, all your patterns move you. 

Why did you sit and think? Why did you not feel?

Our brothers, they're falling off the stairs. 

Make a difference, change your routine. 

Fifteen words, nothing more to say.

Standing close, pure dismay.

All of it, just one long moment. 

All and everything breathing.

I will forget your name, but I will know you better.

I won't remember who you are, but I will be you.

You look like someone I know, but I can't tell who.

Like one of those dream people, we love you. 

All of the stars and the universe, are all your dream.